Three Kid Circus : In Which She Is Undone By A Load Of Laundry

Monday, September 13, 2004

In Which She Is Undone By A Load Of Laundry

"No surrender!" I gritted my teeth, squinted like a pirate and tried again. My back spasmed in response to my twisting. I drew myself up to my full five feet and squared my shoulders. That's it. I'm just going to have to stand in mountain pose, forever.

Last Thursday, I stepped awkwardly on a toy and hurt my back. It's been better and worse, and better and worse. My computer chair aggravates it. Walking helps. Sleeping causes spasms. Standing upright is good. Naturally, this causes some frustration in the tired and cranky and blog-hungry spectrum. I've walked my four miles today, and although I'm zingy from the O-so-good coffee (Ha! O! Hee!) I would like to rest on something other than the soles of my feet.

I've been trying to use yoga to cure myself. I'd be lying if I said it isn't fun to watch Pantyman serenely bend and stretch to the sound of new age gongs and flutes. But helping? Not so much.

All things considered, after a 800 mg horsepill of Advil, I felt ready to tackle folding a load of laundry. I could remain mostly upright, and fold gingerly. Had to be done.

Got several pairs of socks matched. Folded a few tshirts. And then *slapping forehead* I reached for a pair of panties toward the back of the pile.

Guh-zzzzzzz! It felt like an electric shock zooming up my back. I twitched, and then landed face down in the pile of laundry. And down I stayed. I was folding on my bed, and when I reached, the mattress caught me mid thigh. So I'm laying there, torso resting on the laundry and stiff legs hanging off the mattress. Uh...

I gave a feeble push with my arms. Ouch.

I wiggled my legs. Ouch.

I tried to roll to my left. Ouch.

I tried to roll to my right. Ouch.

Okay, OUCH OUCH OUCH. Sign me up for the Darwin Awards, folks. I'm fixin' to smother myself in a load of laundry.

Summoning all my resolve, and trying not to laugh, I manage to leverage myself into a cockeyed push-up position, at which point my legs tip to the floor, and before I can get my feet positioned, my stiff carcass slides sideways onto the floor.

Landing with a thud and a weak mewling noise, I look up to find my youngest standing over me. "Mommy boom! Ta-daaaa!" I do my best jazz hands for her sake, and she applauds and RiverDances in my honor. "Mommy TA-DAAAA!"

I roll to my side, and... wait, not painful. I push to a sit. No. Can't be. NO PAIN. Deciding that this moment calls for the ultimate test, I lunge one knee forward and throw my arms into the air. "Supah-Star!" I am healed! I am healed!