Three Kid Circus : Laughing When You Want To Cry

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Laughing When You Want To Cry

I try to keep this blog light reading, because I find that seriousness doesn't suit me. I am one of those people who keeps on laughing, even when I want to cry. At times, I produce one of those odd, creaking, crazy sounding laughs. I even laugh WHILE I cry. Case in point, the Disneyland "Lion King" parade. Boo-hoo, ahahaha, sniff, wave, ahahaha. I'm a big ball of emotions.

I never understood the struggles of women who suffered from depression, until I had a baby. For the first time in my life, I felt 'off.' The maniac laughing took over and has buoyed me through the 20 hour days when every other sentence begins "Mommy, I need" and ends with "RIGHT NOW." I have called girlfriends from my closet, with my children standing outside the closet door chanting "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"

The feeling of being 'off' has been replaced by a feeling of 'Oh, yeah, I'm the mommy. It's different, but cool.' I am lucky that my transition to motherhood has been relatively uncomplicated. I don't acknowledge that enough.

I'm sending out all my good wishes to Heather and her family. I don't know her personally, but I admire her humor and wit, and now her strength.