Three Kid Circus : Forget Peace, I Just Want Quiet

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Forget Peace, I Just Want Quiet

Indulge me as I take another walk down memory lane...

Back when I was the "girlfriend," a word pronounced with a lilting tone, unlike "wife" which is your basic grunt, we spent a lot of time visiting friends. One couple had a precocious four year old daughter, and her mom would tell me "she was so naughty today!" and I would, as a stupid childless person, say "Oh, no. That's because she's so intelligent/charming/takes after her mommy! She's really an ANGEL." I honestly thought that was what the mom wanted to hear.

Now, inside my head, I was thinking "If MY future children EVER and I do mean EVER embarrass me like that, I would DIE!" Did you hear that cracking whip sound? Parenting Gods, incoming.

In my friend's head, she confessed that she was thinking, "Stupid, stupid, just wait until you have your own little angels. Bwahahahahahahaha!"

This is the same friend who later had twins, shortly before the birth of my oldest. During one harried phone call (Can't she just ask those kids to play quietly? My kids will respect an adult phone conversation. Zap! Incoming!) she blurted out, "I wouldn't let my oldest hold a marker without my close attention. I'd let the twins play with steak knives if they would just be quiet for a minute."

That is as funny today as it was then. for different reasons. Then, with a young baby who existed solely to charm the pants off of her doting parents, I was amused in a "too bad for you, crazy woman!" way. Now, with three kids who seem to exist solely to mete out the wrath of the Parenting Gods, I understand. Totally.

We had one of THOSE days today. Things were broken. A war broke out between Pretty Ponies and Dinosaurs. Gallons were spilled. Baguettes were wielded as swords. The final straw involved a brand new box of laundry soap being doused liberally with water. That weightlifter battle cry I mentioned in an earlier post? Scream along with me. Aaaaaaaaaaargh!

I was so beside myself that I burst out in tears, fumbled for the right words to make the lack of levity in my heart well known to the offenders, and ended up grabbing the sling, the stroller and the kids and making a high speed dash around the block. (hup hup hup hup hey!) It burned off a little tension, but the naughties never ceased. They're fighting colds, so they are ill enough to feel cranky, and well enough to be naughty. Here's hoping that they wake up nice tomorrow. I don't know if we'll make it through another one like today.

The kids have finally settled down, and I am fried. I think I'll hit the hubs (said with a grunt, hah!) up for a back rub. Time to crack open a bottle of Merlot and watch some Olympics with the man who helped create these little monkeys.