Three Kid Circus : Green Eyed Monster

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Green Eyed Monster

Its been over 5 years now that I've been a mother.  Well, just over 6 if you count the pregnant part, too.  So, 6 years that I have had a constant, adoring audience.  This is generally good for my ego, but there are times that you would love to take a pee in private. 

While I was dropping my oldest off for preschool last Wednesday, there were several other gleeful moms comparing notes on what they would be doing for the 2 1/2 hours that their children were in class.  They were all apparently kid-free: one was going for a massage, another was meeting her husband for a late lunch, a third was off for a workout and manicure at the gym. 

I kissed my oldest good-bye on the cheek, since she decided it's not cool to kiss on the lips in front of your friends.  That was a rough one.  She waffles on it, usually kisses me hello on the lips, but my heart made a noise like a shattering glass when she made that proclamation the first time.

One of the kid-free moms turned around and smiled at me.  I was standing there with a sleeping 18 month old in the sling, who is looking angelic and drooling all over me, and holding the hand of a limp as a noodle 4 year old, who has collapsed under protest when I refused to purchase Cheetos from the vending machine in the lobby.  The KF mom said, kindly "No break for you, eh?"

She meant it well, and I took it in the spirit intended.  I'm positive that her child in preschool is her youngest, and she's been exactly where I am now.  But, ooooh, I was so JEALOUS!  I can't envision the day where I leave my baby at school for a few hours and have both the time and the money to pamper myself.  I want to simultaneously be there RIGHT NOW and to have the day never come. 

We made it out to the car after I caved and bought some cheetos.  I saw those other moms jumping into their minivans and SUVs, off for a grown-up afternoon.  We went to Target and cruised around for an hour.  It was fun for all three of us.  When it comes down to it, I don't want to rush away from these baby years.  I know they grow up so fast that you can get whiplash trying to watch. 

There are moms out there who manage to take time for themselves on a frequent basis.  I haven't mastered that.  Anyway, I suspect that midway through a massage, I'd be missing my babies.  Or I'd be asleep.  Hah!  I could arrange to do these things, too.  But I am really happy to go to Target with the little kids, too.

My day will come.  I hope that I will be able to embrace it.